On the fritz

I'm getting back on my medicine so, at times, I have bursts of incredible energy. The problem is that I have nothing to do with the energy. It feels like a giant spring coiled up inside and I feel like I need to jump around and throw things to get rid of it. I've had trouble focusing in class because of it. Usually during the few moments of calm, my mind wanders and I lose track of where I am. I'll daydream and, for a split second, think the daydream really happened until reality seeps back into my brain.
I think, even if I don't go to the gym, I'm going to get up in the morning and exercise and try to let some of the energy out. I'm trying to lose weight anyway. I'm not healthy like I should be. I'm more concerned about my health than I am about being "fat," though I wouldn't mind looking a little better. Some people are large and beautiful, I am not one of those people.
I'm not going on a diet, I'm just trying to make healthier choices: One hot dog instead of two, one glass of water in between pops, salad instead of chips, an apple instead of a honey bun. I'm not a diet kind of person. I like food too much. I could never starve myself or eat only celery. I need my cheeseburger every once in a while. I like enjoying my meals.
Hopefully things will work out. I'll be able to eat halfway normal food, gain some muscle, lose some fat, and look pretty sharp for my wedding in June and for the rest of my life.

I thought

I was over these anxiety attacks, but apparently not.
My girlfriend is at a concert. I thought she was going with her mom, sister and aunt, but she went with her dad instead of her aunt. She messaged me during the break in the concert and as soon as I found out he was there, even though he couldn't hear me talking or anything, my heart sped up and I started to feel sick. Just the possibility that he could find out she was talking to me and react badly... I just clam up immediately.
It's sad, we're getting married in June. I shouldn't feel like I'm a bad teenager sneaking around, but I do. It's not okay, but I can't do anything about it.

Slowly working through the wedding checklist

We're slowly but surely working (trying to work) through our wedding checklist. We've picked out our wedding rings and we have someone (the wonderful Katelyn) working on our invitations. We've picked out a shop to get the dresses we need from and we've priced some flowers. We've kind of scouted out a venue. We're going to look at it once more and get more information on seating before we book it. We've picked our bridesmaids and our officiant. I think we've done pretty good.
Working through our families is still difficult. I'm not sure that my dad is going to come. I respect his decision either way. I know, at this point, it's against his morals. I wish people could be more accepting. I'm thankful for the friends and acquaintances I have here. It's nice to talk to people who are excited about our wedding, instead of people who are mildly disturbed by it. I am thankful for what support I do get from my family, no matter how big or small it is.

Thai Food

I actually tried something new today. The best way I can describe Thai food is to say it's very similar to Chinese but it also reminds me of Indian food. It has a lot of heat to it- they scale it from one to ten and ask you how hot you want it. Even at a four it made my nose start running. I'm a wimp, I guess.

I'm glad I tried it. It's not my favorite type of food but I'm interested in going back and trying other dishes. It was also nice to walk down there. I really enjoyed the walk. I wish I had remembered my hat though, my ears are hurting now. I miss fresh air.

After yesterday

I realized that I cannot go without taking my medicine. I don't like being sad and angry for no reason. It doesn't work out very well.

Update for the new year

I've decided to wait at least a semester to go to school. I keep flip-flopping about which program I want to do. I haven't really looked into the programs as much as I wanted. I haven't taken the GRE. I need to plan more so I have money to actually apply. Application fees are ridiculous. One I was looking at was going to cost 70 dollars. It's ridiculous.

I'm also having problems with my depression. I think Zoloft, along with my poor eating habits, is causing me to gain weight. So, I tried to switch to Prozac. However, the Zoloft is free. The Prozac costs fifty dollars. Also, it kind of gives me an upset stomach. So, I have to decide which one to take, because I can't *not* take it.

I want to lose weight, but I don't want to give up pop completely. I want to exercise, but I feel really uncomfortable in the gym. Since, I have the room to myself, I might try to arrange it so I have space to do things in the room.

Alyssa and I are planning on getting married on June 6. Most of my family is still in complete denial, and if they're not in denial, they just don't like it and don't care. We're going to have to save money and plan things. We are so far behind.

We plan on staying in Columbia. I don't know where we're going to live, but I don't think it's going to be too hard to find a place.