One basket

I'm putting all of my eggs in one basket for graduate school. It isn't because I think I ca get in there, or because I think it is the only place I can get in, it's money and it's what I feel is right for me. I figure that if I don't get in, it's a sign that I need to take a semester off and apply for the spring semester instead of the fall. I hope that I'm good enough to get in for next fall, but I'll have to wait and see. The three universities I was lookin at are Indiana, Iowa and Wichita State. According to things I've looked up, Wichita isn't very gay friendly, also, even though I like Goldbarth, he isn't my favorite poet. Iowa is the prize school but I don't think that I'm good enough to get in and it's money that I don't really have at this moment. Indiana is fairly gay friendly in Bloomington, it has a relatively low cost of living, and it looks like it has a really good program.

Grad school is something that I've never really expected to go to. The way I was raised, it was almost impossible to look at the future because there wasn't going to be a future. The world was supposed to end by now. I didn't think that I would make it through high school or college. I didn't think I was going to be alive past the age of 18.

I'm like a fish out of water. Everyone thinks I've got it together, but I don't. This is so new to me and I have no idea what I'm doing. I only hope that I survive.

Just a couple of things

First, you should probably know that I'm procrastinating. I'm supposed to be writing a paper for Renaissance Drama but I'm tired and my brain isn't working correctly. I'm trying to exercise the kinks out so, here I am, writing. My paper will get done eventually. At the moment I just feel like I need to get a couple of things out of my mind. My paper isn't my biggest concern.

Maybe that should be a problem, but it seems like life is crashing into my careful pursuit of academics. I don't like having to worry about bills and broken cars and jobs. Health and Health Insurance and things to do before graduation.

I'm really worried about her getting a job. She only has two and a half weeks left. If she doesn't get one then she has to move back to Independence. What will that do to us? But, more importantly, what will it do to her? Will she be able to grow when she's in such a tense atmosphere? Will she be able to be happy?

And then, my roommate is sick. Swine flu. Dear God, please don't let me get sick. I can't get sick again. I'm even more susceptible since my immune system is down with mono. I can't get sick.

So, that's what's bothering me today. Until later.

Update

I was going to write a long, tedious blog complaining about life. Now I don't feel like it. Can't I just lay here and sleep?

Stupid Urgent Care

Apparently, it costs a hundred and fifty dollars to be told that you need to take 4 ibuprofen three times daily.

Fail.

Passive Aggressive

I'll admit it, I am very passive aggressive. I try to just let the anger go but sometimes it just catches and boils up. And then I have to keep from exploding.

My roommate has been driving me absolutely insane. She's one of my best friends, but sometimes she can be very selfish. She came back from work and demanded silence for the evening. So from at least six in the evening to nine at night I had to keep my phone on silent, my computer on silent, my girlfriend and I were setting next to each other and we couldn't even whisper. We had to IM back in forth. I kissed her on the cheek and rested my forehead against the side of her face and my roommate said "So, are you just going to make out over there?" I said no and she said to stop being distracting. Then she said "So, are you finally going to go to class tomorrow?" in a very abrasive tone, as if I've been playing hooky. I haven't. I've been sick, so tired I can barely drag my butt out of bed. I wanted to yell at her.

And so ends my rant for the day.