One basket

I'm putting all of my eggs in one basket for graduate school. It isn't because I think I ca get in there, or because I think it is the only place I can get in, it's money and it's what I feel is right for me. I figure that if I don't get in, it's a sign that I need to take a semester off and apply for the spring semester instead of the fall. I hope that I'm good enough to get in for next fall, but I'll have to wait and see. The three universities I was lookin at are Indiana, Iowa and Wichita State. According to things I've looked up, Wichita isn't very gay friendly, also, even though I like Goldbarth, he isn't my favorite poet. Iowa is the prize school but I don't think that I'm good enough to get in and it's money that I don't really have at this moment. Indiana is fairly gay friendly in Bloomington, it has a relatively low cost of living, and it looks like it has a really good program.

Grad school is something that I've never really expected to go to. The way I was raised, it was almost impossible to look at the future because there wasn't going to be a future. The world was supposed to end by now. I didn't think that I would make it through high school or college. I didn't think I was going to be alive past the age of 18.

I'm like a fish out of water. Everyone thinks I've got it together, but I don't. This is so new to me and I have no idea what I'm doing. I only hope that I survive.