I love my girlfriend, more than anything. I never though I'd feel so strongly about anyone as I do her. She's everything I've ever wanted in a partner, I didn't know that it was possible for someone like her to exist.
We've only been dating three months but it feels like I've always been with her, like I've known her forever. I can't imagine my life without her in the future and I don't know how I functioned without her in the past. It's really like she's a part of me. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to have curly headed babies with her. I want to take care of her, spoil her, make her smile, hold her when she cries... It's kind of scary, really, to feel so strongly.
The other day, I was teasing her. I said that if Prop 8 got repealed, we should elope in California. It made me think about how much I really would like to marry her someday and what would I have to do to make that dream a reality. There are so many different factors to take into consideration. I'm not worrying about them, just daydreaming about the what ifs.
I decided to talk to my sister about it. She's very opinionated so I knew I would get her real opinion. Surprisingly, she didn't yell at me. She said that she couldn't judge about whether I was really feeling that way and ready or not. She did say I should wait to seriously think about it until we've been dating at least six months and not ask her until we've been dating one year. She said that way other people wouldn't think I was rushing it or being stupid. She said she would support me whatever I chose. She also said that she was worried my girlfriend would hurt me, not because she doesn't trust my girlfriend, but because she's overly protective. She had valid points. The biggest one being that I probably shouldn't propose until my girlfriend is actually out to her parents. She said some people can't stand to be in a relationship if their parents freak out. Which I understand.
My sister knew so I had to talk to my mom. If one knows, the other is bound to. They let things slip to each other easily. My mom says that she thinks it's a little soon to be thinking about it and I shouldn't think to far ahead. When I said I was thinking about waiting until at least June, she said that was different but I was still over-thinking. She asked if I realized it was illegal in this state and she just wanted me to be happy. We got talking about different places and she said that as long as she can come to the wedding it's fine. And she teased me, saying I would actually have to get a job and she wasn't sure I could survive.
My room mate overheard my talk with my sister. She told be that I wasn't really in love with my girlfriend, that I was just infatuated. She said that 99% of first time relationships don't last and that I'm way too naive and inexperienced. She also said that we haven't even fought properly yet so we couldn't know if we were in love or if it would work out. She also said it wouldn't last because my girlfriend hasn't told her parents yet.
Number one, I am in love with her. She's not a shiny object that I'm going to get bored with. I usually have a hard time spending time with people. If I was going to get tired of her, it would have been a while ago. I know my girlfriend isn't perfect. Nobody is, but she is amazing. And I don't think you have to have a big, terrible fight to whether or not you're going to make it. I have gotten irritated with my girlfriend. We're both bad at making decisions and sometimes it's frustrating when she won't pick. But I don't let it escalate or stew. I know I'm just as bad at making decisions and it's just as much my problem and it's a silly thing to even get bothered about. So I shrug it off, I talk to her, and we make the decision. We communicate, that's
why we don't fight. I'm sure she's been frustrated with me too, but, like I said, we talk about it. Number Two, I know plenty of people who've only been with one person and they have wonderful marriages.
Number 3, I'm twenty years old. I'm not a teenager. I'll be twenty one in about two months. My emotions aren't easily swayed and just because I'm inexperienced doesn't mean I'm naive. I know there's the possibility that my dad won't acknowledge me anymore, that I may not be welcome in my grandmother's house and that my one Uncle might not let me alone with his kids. Does that bother me? Of course it does. But am I going to walk on eggshells the rest of my life and sacrifice my happiness, my soul, for their ignorance? No. I'm not. I refuse to not live my life.
Number 4, it's going to get harder as time goes on, because her parents don't know. I know why she doesn't tell them and I understand it completely. Her dad might stop paying for school and then what would she do? She could take out loans, I guess. I know that I would do everything in my power to help her pay for school. If I had to work two jobs and sell plasma every other week, I would do it. I worry about her because I know keeping a secret can really get to you. She says she thinks her mother or her grandmother might be okay with it, that she thinks one of them suspect something. If it were me, I would go to the one I trust most and test the waters. But that's because I can't imagine keeping a secret from my mom because I know she'll always love me, no matter what. Will I keep bugging her to tell her parents? No. Why? Because she will when she's ready, even if she does need a push sometimes. I'm just going to wait for her, and stand by her for as long as she'll let me.
