The wedding is quickly approaching. We've got quite a few things done, but we also have quite a few things left to do.
Things we've gotten done:
School gets hectic the two weeks before Spring Break. There are a lot of projects due and, in upper level courses, professors seem to think that the week off is a perfect opportunity for us to study, so they make the biggest projects due as soon as we get back. Spring Break also signifies that the school year is winding down and the time is running out to start all of those projects that have been put off to the end of the year.
This year has definitely been the most stressful by far. It's the last semester of my senior year and I have two gigantic projects: Senior Seminar and my distinction project. For my Senior Seminar, I have to write a twenty page research paper on Sharon Olds. I was worried about the length at first, but recently I've discovered that the length really isn't as daunting as one would think. The devil is in the details. Every couple of weeks some little thing is due, like an abstract or an outline. The little work distracts me from the big work. I know it sounds silly, but it's a mental thing. When I have to piddle around with the little stuff, I'm distracted from the main project.
My distinction project is due on April 2nd and I feel like I have no idea how I'm supposed to present it. My advisor has no clue either. Last week, I sat down and banged out a 25 page paper, but then my advisor said that she thought that it didnt have enough literary theory in it. So, I have to redo parts of my paper. I also have to print off and arrange a 45 poem manuscript. I feel mostly okay with this project, it's just kind of overwhelming that I have to make it perfect by Friday.
Clubs are also another aspect of school that can take up a lot of time. I am the president of two clubs. One club is going really well. The other one, no one is helping me and I don't know what to do. I feel like I keep banging up against a wall and it's stressing me out. We have a barbeque we are doing the week after we get back from Spring Break and every time I try to arrange something, it falls through. I don't know what I'm going to do.
So, this is what's going on with school. I hope I survive to graduate.
So, I'm waiting with baited breath for my family and friends to get here. I've been full of nervous energy all morning. The heater's going full bore, my room is as spotless as it's ever been. I feel like I'm showing my room, like I'm trying to make them buy into my happiness, make them realize that everything is okay.
Today is a stressful day for two reasons: 1. I got my hair cut incredibly short. 2. We're going shopping for bridesmaids' dresses. This wedding stuff is stressful enough when your maid of honor and your mother think you're going to hell. I have to go to a wedding shop where the people think my bridesmaids are actually my fiancee's bridesmaids because my fiancee didn't mention tell the salesgirl she was one of two brides in a same sex wedding ceremony. I guess I'll pretend I'm the wedding coordinator or something, unless Alyssa gets off of work in time.
I dislike having to explain myself every time I do something and I hate that I feel like I need to please my mom and sister when it comes to my hair. I love my little sister, but she's weird. She has double standards when it comes to her and me. I spent this morning digging through my drawers, trying to find the girliest shirt I own, because, God forbid, I look like a tomboy with my hair this short. I've had so many people come up to me and tell me that they really like my hair, people who have no obligation to lie to me and tell me that it looks good. I wish my family would just get over themselves. I'm pretty sure Michelle is going to gripe at me too. She also has weird standards at times.
I'm getting tenser as the time passes. I'm hungry and anxious. I feel like a 10 lbs of sausage stuffed into a 5lb casing because of the shirt I'm wearing. I'm sure they're going to complain about my weight and my hair and remind me that I'm not really getting married. I pray to God that there won't be any arguments or fights. If I'm lucky I'll find out that I've wound myself up for nothing.
We'll see how today goes.
